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Finally we were able to haul out the camera and take the pictures we came to take. Those who were, appeared to be straight couples, all of them wearing clothes. From the top we could finally see the landscape that the internet told us existed. We walked until we felt completely awkward, finally making a run for it up a tall dune. If they’re all gay and are all around other gay men, why do they all have soft penises? Do gay men have the ability to harden or soften their penises at will? Was that an inward facing ass? How does that even happen? Did he just grab a hold of his ball sack and un-stick it from his leg? Why are there so many gay men? Where are all the gay ladies? I had so many questions! Are these men all gay? They must be by the way they’re looking at Curtis and not me. No where was it stated that we would have to suffer through the smell of shaving cream from thousands of freshly shaven scrotums on our way to these elusive sand dunes! Curtis immediately put on his imaginary blinders and stared at the sand as we dodged and weaved through the sea of naked on our way to what we hoped was the beautiful dunes we saw in all the internet pictures. Men eyed Curtis and more than a few grabbed on to their manhood and flipped it up as we walked by as if it were some sort of mating display. How do you not stare at this? At all of this? I felt completely out of place not being the object of interest. The demographic of this group was approximately 80% gay men with the remaining 20% being men and women over the age of 65. Two kilometers of sand was in front of us and on this sand were thousands of naked people.
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We think that we’re mature individuals, likely prudes, but what stood in front of us was more than our brains could comprehend. Curtis and I have seen naked on the beach before, usually it’s in the form of boobs or the random brave sole (probably a European) naked on a Mexican beach. Let’s face it, it’s damn cold here most of the year so most people just aren’t all that into being naked outside. OK, so at this point in the story I should tell you that in Canada, public nudity is not a well established trend. We had a clear view of the kilometers of beach that stretch out before us and our jaws dropped. We came around the corner of the dune to find ourselves officially at the beach. We could see the water, we weren’t far from the beach, we cut through the valley of two sand dunes avoiding eye contact with those that were clearly staring at us in all our clothed glory. We hadn’t even reached the beach or the main sand dunes yet, but we were already feeling highly out of place.Īs we chatted back and forth about what we were witnessing we reasoned that this is a tourist area so once we get to the beach there will be more tourists and less nakedness and less men on the hunt. I felt my inner lioness start to roar, “he’s MINE!” I kept repeating in my head as I stared into the eyes of every man beast we passed, in hopes of relaying some sort of telepathic message. I became acutely aware that my husband was suddenly eye candy to every man we passed.
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As we started to approach the actual sand dunes there were men, mainly naked men, that started to pass by us on the trail.